If God is real, then why…why do I feel depressed?
Why. Why. Why. There are so many why’s. But there’s one why I also want an answer for. Actually, two. If God is indeed real, why do I feel down and lonely and empty? But, why would I expect that question to be rational, anyway?
An Idea of God
Come to think of my question. You probably would have asked it yourself. Why would there be depression if there was God?
That question actually establishes its logic, and hence, its validity, to a rather sweet idea of God.
By implication, it says that God could not have allowed depression to occur.
In other words, God must be good. So, is God good?
God As The Ultimate Hero
While we may not be fully aware of it, we think of God as the ultimate hero. While we may not be conscious of it, we justify God when we don’t understand what’s happening around us. If we don’t find any explanation why God allowed something so unjust, then we would rather come to the conclusion that God does not exist.
Because we can’t handle the idea of a demonic god. If there was, we don’t want that kind of being to exist.
And, what we’d rather have is a God who is
- the Absolute Good,
- the Ultimate Hero,
- the All-Powerful, but also at the same time,
- the Unconditionally Compassionate, and
- the Endlessly Loving.
If He was a little less, we would have none of that God.
A Want for Perfection
Aren’t we too hard on that idea of God?
Well, I’d say that it’s a rather bold claim that Someone as Perfect as that could exist. Somehow, we want Him to.
After all, we want to experience perfection. Somehow, it is something that’s quite common to all human beings. Even villainous individuals have the same longing. To love and be loved.
But why this want? Why this desire? Does it truly follow that if the desire exists, then the object of desire also must exist—even just somewhere out there?
A Pervading Depression
Now why do we have depression, anyway? Across the centuries, there has not been a time more intriguing than ours when it comes to dealing with ultimate loneliness and despair.
People are dying.
Why in the world is there such a pervading depression? Why do we suffer?
Apparently, the answer’s the same. Our hearts were knit to welcome positive news—to welcome perfection, even. Anything disheartening is outside our idea of an ideal world.
And, when our expectations fail us, we spiral down to depression.
An Expectation for Love
That is what we want. We want to be loved. Well, we don’t want a forced love. It equals fake.
We want genuine love.
And, nothing less.
We expect this kind of love from the people who profess to love us and from them whose blood and genes we share. Even from the strangest stranger, we somehow want to receive respect. With our minds intact, we also want to give the same.
But why? Why this expectation? Isn’t it possible that it’s supposedly the way of life?
Isn’t love the only reason and way to live?
The Depressed Need The God of Love
Now this is a rather bold claim, but it isn’t a logical leap, either.
From the arguments we had above, it’s pretty clear how both depression and our quest for any God have found an answer in one word: love.
First, we have seen that for God to truly exist, He must be the kind that truly loves.
Second, for a depressed individual to truly heal, then that person must find true love.
These two become the premises for the question we’ve asked.
If God is love, then why am I depressed?
And now, we’re expecting that God to somehow show He is, because outside of that rational, logical and psychological perimeter, you and I could have no ultimate w
But, somehow, I’m still depressed; and somehow, I’m still holding on to the idea of God.
What if that God doesn’t exist? Shall I surrender myself to the idea of destruction? Or, what if there is a third element?
Apparently, it’s that very idea that tells there is something more in the equation. My depression won’t fully end unless that third element would be vanquished. That element is the real villain. That element caused the intrusion.
But what could that be?
My quest shall not here end.