Employers assume that employees have well-organized lives.
In short, we’re supposed to be robots.
Bossess assume that we don’t feel a rush when certain random but meaningful ideas come out of our minds.
We simply stay here in our cubicles and exercise robotship.
That’s not too lovely to hear, but it is nearer to what reality feels like, at least, to me, than all the other descriptions one can imagine.
As an employee, I’m like stuck into a hole. I can’t seem to pass from this cage to the next. I needed to wait for another free time to even think freely. My creativity has been bound by a 9 to 5 job.
And it is tiring.
As I was writing this, I never thought how much I missed being myself. A free thinker.
I wanted to simply express my thoughts so bad. I don’t want to be bound by a certain genre.
I want my mind to freely wander, and yet not feel strange even while doing so.
I want to type and write and think and type as I unleash my unceasing thoughts, not in any way thinking of impressing, but simply expressing whatever it is that’s attempting to burst from my head.
I want to be heard. Apparently, though, not everything you wish to say can be monetized.
That’s why employees stick to certain boring points.
Well, frankly, to me, they’re boring.
My mind wants to discuss what’s fascinating, what’s not rigid, and what’s apparently challenging.
I want to think. And I want to think freely.
I appear to be ranting now, but it’s okay. I’ll soon stop the rant and head back to work anyway.
I’ve missed this platform. I tried so many other things. But I did miss what was spontaneous.
And yet, it was the brave thing.
So, why don’t we leave things as it is? Publish this thing now, and then edit it, maybe, for later.
But just thinking of having to edit this makes me feel tired.
The fact is, if I only did not think of perfecting every piece before publishing, I would have published countless pieces by the hour, or by the minute, even.
Of course, I’m exaggerating. I have tasks to fulfill. I am a writer, and I’ve been employed for it.
Am I supposed to put myself into the very same limits that cripple me during the hours of my duty?
I had to take a break and for once, be myself in this space.
This is my space.
This is me, being, feeling, thinking, becoming pensive.
I don’t need perfection here before publication. I wanted to be heard raw. I wanted to be able to look back to this piece and see myself as the struggling one.
I have to face my own reality.
This is it. I’m getting back to work now. Thanks to this free writing realm that I have.
I want to keep it free.
I will still be an employee until I can make the great escape. It’s okay. I am getting there.
I will be free.