What if she actually was an addict? Well, I didn’t have to ask. Apparently, she’s addicted to some superficial emotion-boosters that I dare not name. I hate it. And, I probably might hate her for that matter.
How Do I Stop My Best Friend’s Addiction?
In the first place, I think the question should rather be, “Can I do something about my best friend’s addiction?”
I’d ask you. Can I?
Well, I bet it depends on three things:
- What is the person addicted to?
- Why is she so addicted to that thing?
- How strongly is she addicted?
I’ll share with you the answers as I now know them. I just realized what the real answers were after a rather crazy, loud, tear-filled fight between the two of us today.
The Cold War Was Over
So this is a section that tells of the story of what really happened to us today.
What I thought was a series of cold wars (I wrote about this the other day; check that post out here) was, in fact, not just a chronological series of petty fights.
The whole thing was part of a big battle. Everything that was just assumed and hid from each other’s knowledge (except for the fact that I’m now blogging all of it here—it’s my secret) has been exposed.
We hated each other.
And who couldn’t help but cry? I realized she was on the verge of her wits (I may be exaggerating, but it was how it was to me).
Then she revealed that she was feeling strangled or choked for too long. That gave a huge blow to me.
But as I’ve emphasized, that was when the cold war was finally over. The reason for our series of cold, silent fights was me. And her. The two of us, but mostly me.
And it turns out that I may actually be the one addicted to my own security and my own place within her heart. I was selfish.
Now that the cold war is over, she admits that she has felt being in jail for too long. All because of me.
Freedom vs. Control
That hit me in the head.
I realized how a control-freak I’ve become. Yes, I was, but only silently. By selfishly wanting her to become mine and only mine, I was bound to become jealous. (Remember my first post? I was wondering if I had any delusional jealousy. Now I think I do have.)
So I was unknowingly annoyingly controlling.
Did I mean to restrict her freedom?
Of course not!
I wanted her to feel free. In the first place, let me mention that that was what she never experienced at home. And I wanted to be her home.
Too bad, our relationship became complicated. There were things that ruined her respect for me. She felt she has given her all. She trusted me fully, only to fail her time and again in that one thing—that one area we’ll keep to ourselves for now.
So I knew. Freedom was the key.
But I was always hesitant. I’ve already raised the question in my previous post: Will Letting Go Make Our Relationship Work?
I said I tried. But I was hesitating. I was fearful.
And then her answer dropped like a bomb.
“Restrict me more, and the more will I step farther”
It was the answer that I seemed to be waiting for but was almost always hesitant to hear.
I was stunned, and her next words to me I heard so loud and so clear.
- She was addicted to unselfish, freedom-giving love. Though she was inadequate to give it herself, she knew it was that kind of love that she most needed. I failed to give it to her—many times.
- She doesn’t have other people to be open with. She says she had no true friends other than me. As I’m typing this, I’m feeling guilty.
- She’s had this for all her lifetime. Poor young woman, she was all empty. There was always a part in her that she felt was lacking.
And those are the answers to the what, why and how of her addiction.
So, can I do something about it?
Letting Her Be
Well, I think I just have to yield to freedom. I’ll let freedom be the winner. I think freedom will work. I guess that was what I also wanted anyway. I wanted to be free.
And I was free with her. I was free to be me. Sometimes, though, she has ideals for me that I don’t feel like following, but those are just petty issues compared to what I appear to restrict her with.
She deserves my hand of letting go.